Blue Star

Classical Gassed
By: 
Scott Sullivan
Stick with the classics. You will never go wrong! I said.

The Meaning of Existence is evident in its acronym: ME. “Simplify, simplify,” Thoreau said. “Keep it simple, stupid,” we say today.

Who better exemplified that than the blood-spitting rock band KISS? They inspired me to visit my old classics teacher Mrs. Robinson. She was surprised to see me.

“Sullivan?” she said, squinting through her quad-focals. “Oh, yes. You were quite a … handful. Have you found meaning in life?”

I have, I said. In the classics.

“That’s sublime!” she said. “Beethoven, Bach …”

I mean classic rock, I said, whipping out my iPod. Listen:

“I … wanna rock’n’roll all ni-i-i-ight! And party every day!”

“What’s that?”

KISS, I said. Philosophers of hedonism, or me-donism as I call it.

“Gracious!” she said. “Wait a minute.” The old lady left the powder room, then returned wearing only gold lamé panties.

For full story, pick up a copy of the MONTH XX issue of The Allegan County News/The Union Enterprise/The Commercial Record or subscribe to the e-edition.

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